Phobias

Fear and phobia are not the same thing. I believe fear is a reaction, left over from our flight/fight days, that helps us deal with the threat of potentially real harm. Phobias are quite different. Phobias are often highly irrational fears of rather innocuous things. For much of my life my primary phobia was clowns, I just didn't like them ONE BIT. I refuse to watch any movie that involves a scary clown (IT, Poltergeist, Killer Clowns from Outer Space, etc.), I avoid them at Saturday Market, and the clown covered facade of the Wonderland arcade will always displease me. But over the years clowns have bothered me less and less. Don't get me wrong, I still hate the fuckers, but I no longer cringe away in fright.

For me, the absolute worst thing for me to encounter is the Common House Centipede

Just finding that image on Google made my heart race.

This is a completely irrational, unfounded phobia. I have never had any traumatic experience with these little fuckers to account for my extreme fear of them. When I see one I shriek loudly, leap in the air, and quickly get very far away from it. But I can't let my eye off of it! Oh no! Because if I take my eye off of it I will no longer know where it is. And the only thing worse than a terror is an unseen terror.

I have read up on this species of centipede (all centipedes I am phobic of actually, but these are the worst) and learned that they are an extremely beneficial pest control species, feeding on spiders, bedbugs, termites, cockroaches, silverfish, and ants. In fact, unlike house spiders, they are extremely unlikely to bite humans. I have no logical reason to be absolutely horrified by them. But I am.

So tonight, I am laying on the floor next to the fire place, the warm embers lulling me to a nice, sleepy state of mind. Suddenly, Walter comes along and shoves his nose up my right pant leg and begins to snuffle like mad. For a moment I laugh and let him because he is always doing hilarious things like this, but then his tail began to wave wildly, in the special way that he does only when he has found a small creature to chase and eat. For a split second a house centipede flashes across my mind as a potential denizen of my pants, the thought quickly pushed aside as something too horrible to be true. As this brief line of thoughts is running through my head, I stand up and shake my leg out.

A two inch long house centipede smacks audibly into the floor. Walter lunges at the writhing horror as I lose my shit and launch myself towards the other corner of the room. It vanished as quickly as it appeared into Walters gnashing maw, leaving a gooey smear on the floor. AAAAAAHHHH! IT! WAS! IN! MY! PANTS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.




Song of the Day: Great Gig in the Sky (Live), Pink Floyd. This version always gives me chills.